Merriment

It's Christmas Eve and in keeping with tradition we got faced and went for a rover ride. We spent half the time shouvleing out of snow banks and the other half merrily plowing through the woods drinking to every downed tree and falling snowflake.
I stopped at the neighbors' on the way home from Amy's. They were tallying votes in their ugly sweater contest on a big blackboard in the living room. Doris sent home cinnamon rolls for our breakfast.
Tomorrow we'll wake up whenever we feel like it, get dressed eventually and go pick up Grandma so she can come over and sleep through a movie before we take her home again. On the way back we'll visit Grandpa and Grandma for a while before heading over to Amy's for more festiveness. At some point I'll call Carol and everyone will holler Merry Christmas and wonder why we aren't with them. My dad will call and we'll race to say Merry Christmas first, neither of us will win. I'll look at my mother's picture on the mantel and remember all the Christmases we spent together in that room. I will tell her picture I love her and wherever she is she'll hear me.

The whole world is covered in a soft layer of white and it's so good to have friends.

The barn and Grandpa's mind

My grandfather has dementia and I don't realize how much I miss him until one of those old expressions comes across him. He hasn't started to forget us yet. There are many things he can do, probably more than we give him credit for but the man who used to give me all the answers is now looking to others.

His essence is untouched. He is gentle and thoughtful as always. Once when I was small my leg slipped between two beams on our pool deck and it scraped me up pretty good. Grandpa was the first one there and as he lifted me back to the deck there were tears in his eyes. I asked my mother later why he was crying and she said it was because when we were hurt it hurt Grandpa even more. She died twelve and a half years later and it changed him. Now he's changing again.

Several days ago, after enduring 85 winters, Grandpa's barn collapsed. My cousins and I remarked at the absurd synchronicity. The barn, built by our great grandfather 3 years before Grandpa was born, falling under a heavy winter the year Grandpa's mind started to give out.

It's easy to become melancholy, easy to see what just isn't anymore and never will be again. But I'm reminded that nothing is ever over, it's only different. He's still with us and we'll spend the rest of his life mourning what he loses inch by inch or we'll be grateful we're the ones who get to be with him as the changes come.

Every little thing that comes is regarded as some degree of good or bad based on nothing more than a judgment we make at the time. It can be a reaction or a choice. Today I'm choosing to really be with him, to not cry for what is happening but to love it instead because it's part of him and because being his granddaughter is one of the greatest things I'll ever get to be.

I think it was Vixen

I pet a reindeer!!!

She was beautiful and very, very soft.

She came from a farm in Clare where they have 17 other reindeer who travel around at Christmas spreading joy from their tiny pen. I was reassured that if they get tired of being touched they simply move to the middle of the pen until they can take it again and they have plenty of running around room at home.

The pope wouldn't like it

The universe listens.
I don't care if that sounds silly because I know it's true. However, I also used to 'know' Jesus to be the son of God. Things change and all of this 'knowing' is part of my evolution...the swinging of the pendulum I suppose. I'm one of those people who must believe something - please don't confuse that with believing in something. What I mean is that I must have an idea at all times of what I believe to be true...an assessment of the best information available at any given point. As new information becomes available my ideas change. I consider this a strength.
The universe listens. It also responds.
It's possible that what I refer to as 'the universe' is fundamentally what others call 'God.' When speaking to Christian friends I call it WYCoG...What You Call God...because it saves time. They've argued, occasionally, that there is no difference but there are vast and crucial differences between the Christian God and 'the universe' that I'm talking about. The most important, I think, is that 'the universe' didn't and wouldn't send it's only son for the salvation of all willing to accept it. Christianity wants us to believe Salvation lies externally, that the death of a Holy Man, the Son of God is payment for our 'sin' - which seems to be internal - if we will only acknowledge it.
'The universe' I refer to is one thing - not internal or external - but something that doesn't even comprehend such opposites. It listens and responds to us because we are part of it, part of the whole. I believe Jesus understood that.

Hypothermia or heart failure

I guess I should be grateful I have a choice.

I just paid my heating bill.

**sigh**

You don't need your cane when the music starts

I work for the County Commission on Aging. Yesterday was our annual Christmas Party for the seniors and we had about 200 of them with us for the day. We always have lunch and a wonderful band and presents and the seniors dance for hours...and oh can they dance...
They waltz, two step, line dance, jitterbug, polka...and sometimes if I'm very lucky one of them will pull me out on the floor. Some come in with walkers and canes but they aren't needed on the dance floor because there's always someone to hold them up.
They are incredible, each one of them absolutely incredible and it's one of the great privileges of my life to be able to spend time with them.
There are those who have lost a husband or wife already and are newly in love dancing to the slow songs like kids at junior prom and there are those who've been married for 60 years, have 11 children and 32 grandchildren who dance like it's the first time. It's the music...but not only the music. They view the world with the wisdom of a life fully lived. These are the folks who accept the decisions they've made and where life is taking them and for a while the music makes the harder parts melt away.
And in the midst of it all one of them took me by the arm - I don't even know his name - and he said 'You know the best thing about you?...You're always so happy.'
He caught me off guard a bit and I realized he doesn't know it but the reason he thinks that is because being with them makes me happy. What he really meant was that the best thing about me is my love for all of them. They make it easy. It's impossible not to be happy when I'm with them.

Content

My cat is on my lap, hot tea by the keyboard...my back is throbbing and I think I just might be getting the flu - maybe not, but it's been a good day. I accomplished a great deal and earned my tired which always feels better than being tired without having done much. Soon it will be bed time and I'll fall asleep 'watching' the news.
The Wings are number one in their division, the Lions will always have next season...and there's still a sublime coating of snow weighing down the tree branches after the last storm. I'm not sure I could find one thing to be upset about right now. What a good day.