Remembering what I've learned

I want to go home!
*pouts and sputters*

I do. I do want to go home and it's only the half way point in this experimental separation of ours. I want to go home to the exclusion of what I thought I'd learned these last few months. I am fearful and panicky and concentrating on what I don't want and looking for any idea in my head that will get me out of it. I'm being silly and probably ungrateful.
There are a few things that have taken place the last couple of weeks that make it harder for me to be here. The most important is that Rain is ill. Her kidneys are failing and I'd like to sit and hold her from now until the last minute. Instead she's home...at her home...where she can be comfortable. Another thing is that some of the troubles that landed me here in the first place are getting resolved. While before it was a pleasant break to be away and there were obvious hurtles to overcome, now I miss my husband and our home and the hurtles seem much lower. Mostly it was blatantly imperative that we be separated for the first few weeks and now it is less so, which makes it more difficult to continue - even though I do still think it's necessary to finish it.

I also think 'hard' is probably a lesson I need to learn. Taking things for granted is a specialty of mine so having it all back at my whim wouldn't be too beneficial. There's more to learn and I'll start again tonight by reminding myself not to resist what is, to make the best of every little thing and to not be such a big damn baby.