Blessed truth

You can't go home again. Everything changes and it doesn't matter if you want to allow it.

Once you realize something to be true, even if it's only conceptually at first, there's no return. It means moving forward without delusion when the delusion is still so comforting in many ways. Maybe like finding out about Santa, when sometimes it would be so nice to believe again.

These differences in me are starting to settle, I'm starting to feel like a 'self' again but I have no idea how it applies to my world. In a very short time the fundamental way I've always viewed things has shifted and it's wonderful...and it's terrifying. I've been used to being unhappy and restless, clung to it with my whole being at times. I've been used to feeling like I haven't anything to say or offer and used to feeling ugly. The shift started about a year and half ago and lately the avalanche. So all of a sudden I'm someplace else and it's freaking me out. Now it's possibilites instead of wishful thinking, allowing what is to be instead of trying to control it and a tendancy toward action or acceptance instead of stubborn resistance. All of this by finally understanding that the past - good or bad - is gone and the future doesn't exist outside our minds. The only thing that is real and ever has been is this moment. It's the only time action can be taken or decisions made, the only time you can feel, speak or touch, it's the only time anything can ever be done. Right now.